I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
