I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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