Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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