RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
