I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
