I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
