meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
