your thong is hanging out like whoa
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
