I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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