Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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