It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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