Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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