explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
