If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
