i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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