Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
