I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
