and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
third nipple confirmed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
