I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
