Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize