Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
