butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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