pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
