when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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