You can't special order awesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
