My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we made out on top of his cat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
