I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you repeat that, but with context?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
