I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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