omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
