If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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