I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
