Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is my gift to your gina
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
