I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
