Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
