She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
