The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think your dad took our porno
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
