wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
