so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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