The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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