Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
