onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
