I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
