Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
