I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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