Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
