I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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