i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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