I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
