you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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