Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
