oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
