What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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