please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
