She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
