Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
